It’s been 5 grueling weeks since the bike crash. Today I ended my last “long” ride sobbing. I’m too spent to be witty. Here’s a recap of my rollercoaster.
The week of the crash I did nothing. I’ve never done so much nothing. The week after I managed 4 measly hours of “training” most of which was walking to work because I couldn’t bike.
On the third week I managed 10 hours of training – most of which was the Square Lake long course (1/2 Iron distance) Tri. It was my first time back on my bike. I was basically biking with one arm. At least I finished. I waited for results and had a hotdog. I biked back to my in-laws. I showered. I ate. I drove an hour home. I showered again. Four long hours after I had finished and I couldn’t imagine continuing to race for all that time and still having hours to go… I wanted to cry. So I ate a mountain of chinese delivery.
On the fourth week I tackled 22 hours of training. I had a cold rainy miserable bike ride. Then capped off the week with a 11 hour training day. It was exhausting, but I was really happy to have done it.
This last fifth week was going so well until the end. I did some awesome lifting on Monday. Did a good job running on the track with the Running Intervals class. Swam back to back days on Thursday and Friday. I had an amazing last 20 mile run on Saturday.
Today I was going to end this whole long training journey with a nice 100 miles on the bike. Nope.
Biking has been taking a little more emotional energy. Downhills make me nervous. As does questionable roads. Even just the illusion of uneven roads. Such as downed autumn leaves and dappled sunlight. Beautiful or scary? I feel like I’ve got monsters under my bed. When I’m feeling good I can convince myself that the shadows and leaves are not monsters waiting to knock me off my bike.
Today I lost it. It was a beautiful sunny morning. After some leafy trails and some old asphalt I was trying not to be miserable. Then just over 20 miles into the ride I had the last straw. I had to yell at a car cutting me off. Tears started to trickle down. Thought it would pass. When it didn’t I pulled over and called my boss/coach Nicole. “How important is this ride to my training?” I broke down sobbing. I just wanted to go home. She said it was ok to be done. My race would be fine without this ride. So I biked slowly home blinking through tears.
Not the most dignified or celebratory way to finish this training cycle. I’m so ready for taper.