I don’t hate biking anymore. It’s strange to be missing a feeling I had come to terms with always having. I accepted a vague sense of dread or outright terror as part of biking just like helmets and U-locks. At the very best I would feel pride for how far I’d come with a certain reservation and tightness in my chest. Even when I became a year round bike commuter it took a lot of personal pep talking. “Because it’s good for the environment, because it’s good for my wallet, because it’s good for my body, because it makes me a bad-ass” It was a constant mantra because inside I always felt like Calvin.
This summer strange things happened. After a tearful spring, then a surpassing success I still didn’t really expect anything to change. But they did. Driving became more dreadful. I’ve found myself regretting driving when I’ve had the choice. I would get impatient with traffic and would arrive considerably crabby. Consequently I’ve found myself strangely happy to be biking.
This weekend I could have driven, but I opted to bike. I biked in the chilly drizzly Minneapolis autumn. It felt good. I felt comfortable. I felt peaceful. It’s so weird, I’m stunned. I. Like. Biking.
It’s good timing because I spent the weekend struggling with feeling incompetent all over again.
I spent 10 hours in arm balancing yoga workshops.
My swimming, paddling, climbing arms have done good things for me. While really new to balancing on them, I went into it with a fair amount of confidence. Somehow I neglected to realize that my arms are connected to the rest of my body. Turns out I was the least flexible person the whole weekend. Turns out that hamstring flexibility is rather convenient for gracefully getting your hips over your hands. Turns out yogis of all shapes, ages, and genders are quite experienced at all this stuff.
I am rather new to this stuff.
I still had fun. Because yoga is not a flexibility contest. Because challenging my body has always been a way to access my mental processes. Because yoga is letting me explore my body in new ways. Because it’s good to be new and scared and awkward. I’m working on new mantras. Because biking was a long journey I will be patient with my yoga journey.